9.04.2012

Deleting Memories

This is the shit I believed in, that's why I'm pissed.

Xuluprophet Rogers
Hey baby
You don't know what you have done for me, I've tried sending you messages and calls

but i think i have to go by cricket and fix some shit. you gave me enough breathing

space during this stressful time and allowed me to gather my strength back. I'm on

break from work and will get at you in a bit. I can't thank you enough or express my

desire to be there for you should you ever need me.nothing can stop me now thank

you Ambrosia

April 13, 2010AMBROSIA
Roger, please know how happy I am to be able to help you in any way that I can. I

really do care so much about you and want the very best for you. I have faith in you ~

you're capable of ANYTHING! I look forward to seeing you again as soon as possible.
Love,
A.

April 13, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
im at the crib with a halfway decent connect. hit me if you're up

April 13, 2010AMBROSIA
Hey, babe. I tried your phone and got a recording from Cricket.

April 29, 2010AMBROSIA
Hey
"I wish I was in Maine, do you know the place? VACATION LAND. 123 HIGH ST.

The devil ain't ON speed dial no mas nunca mas.? quiero amor verdad? luego matame

porfavor!"
So I see this post of yours and I think, if he misses Maine so much, and he told me I

feel like Maine to him, why haven't I heard from him in days?
I'm leaving for Tennessee this morning and will be back Sunday. I hope you're well and

hope to hear from you soon.
Ambrosia

May 12, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
i miss you
and i love you and i am not afraid. if you want to try i will. i know I've been a prick,

but i am scared of this feeling. and what will become of me if you go away. and if you

don't wanna deal with me i understand, but its not what i want.

May 23, 2010AMBROSIA
Hey babe,
I decided to write you a message because I have trouble finding and putting together

the right words when I'm sitting face to face with you ~ I'm easily distracted. I really

want to see you but I've gotta get some shit out first. I've been soul searching and

trying to figure some stuff out in my head this weekend. And I've been stressing about

you. I've been thinking about expectations, which you've asked me about, and just

how I really feel and what I really want. When you tell me you're in love with me, I

don't take that lightly, and I really hadn't been able to determine how I felt about that

at first. I mean, I've had very conflicted feelings, right from the get-go with you. My

experience with you has been an intense whirlwind, and as I hang on for dear life I

fear the end. I miss you- actually, I crave you when you're not around... and then when

I get to see you I feel like you rarely get the best of me. I'm either drunk and/or

stoned or I'm tired as hell because it's usually so late for me. And yet, you make me

feel so good ~ in every way... the things you say to me, the way you touch me and

react to my affection... you make me feel wanted and desired and needed... and I want

it all so much it scares me. I find myself asking, "How will this ever work out?" At

times it seems doomed to me ~ like this just can't last. It breaks my heart to tell you

that, but it also breaks my heart to feel something so negative about us.

I guess I said all that to say this: I've fallen in love with you, too, Roger. I thought I

had been in love before, but I've never known anything quite like this in my life. And

yet, we both know it takes more than love. And we both have a lot of shit on our

plates, responsibilities, etc., that we each need to deal with. Our schedules, our

geographic distance, and your lack of transportation are going to keep us apart more

than I'm used to. I realize you're used to being on your own, but I'm not. Don't get me

wrong ~ I'm happy to be living by myself and finally independent, but I'm just

accustomed to spending a lot of time with my "significant other." I just wanted you to

know that's where I'm coming from, but I am willing to adjust. I really need to get my

car worked on before I drive to GSO too many more times, but after a lot of crazy,

circular, rambling thought, I decided I really do want in on this, if you're still

interested despite knowing my fears and reservations.

I miss you and look forward to seeing you soon.

June 4, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
hey babe how r u? I miss you. I think i might check my self into detox today. I've been

boozing to long and I've got to do something. stay with me

June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
hey r u there

June 7, 2010AMBROSIA
I am now!

June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
will you be able to fix up your web cam and talk

June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
hey I'm at Matt's

June 7, 2010AMBROSIA
May I pick u up at your apartment at 5:30pm tomorrow (Tues)?

June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
please

June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
can you talk online now
or do you still have to finish giving the new bf the once over

June 10, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
i love you just so you know

x