SOLITUDE, DISCOVERY,THE DIFFERENCE BETWIXT GOOD AND EVIL...my journey through addiction, treatment, and recovery.
11.05.2020
3.05.2014
11.21.2013
Love that live stream
Again we are broadcasting live in three lands. www.ustream.tv/channel/galaxyrocker
#local #savannah #music & #art
Www.facebook.com/Ox1-music
11.20.2013
11.19.2013
Omingnome & Arpetrio at The Wormhole in Savannah GA
11.18.2013
Live Music Streaming
Come and rock with us tonight even if you can't be there! We will be #livestreaming some tonight at 10 PM http://www.ustream.tv/channel/galaxyrockerox
Goals
Been working hard the past 2 night trying to get things in place for a promo
concept, that will drive interest for the #local #savannah #music & #art scene. I have found that constant forward movement towards my goals is never dependent on the participation of others, I welcome all help, but at the end of it all I am prepared to push forward solo. That has been one of the benefits of going #sober. That being said, I have found a partner to team up with. This would never have happened if I was still boozing.
concept, that will drive interest for the #local #savannah #music & #art scene. I have found that constant forward movement towards my goals is never dependent on the participation of others, I welcome all help, but at the end of it all I am prepared to push forward solo. That has been one of the benefits of going #sober. That being said, I have found a partner to team up with. This would never have happened if I was still boozing.
11.15.2013
Sexy Groovy Rhythm & Mayhem
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| Broken Glow |
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| Xuluprophet & Obamabo |
Slammin' Vibes
At The Wormhole tonight in Savannah GA
I cant believe that 18 month of sobriety has reached me more enthusiastic about music than when I was 22. I will be sharing an experience with some awesome musicians l8r on tonight. I will be on the bill with Brooklyn Rockers Broken Glow far away from N.Y.C. ( The Bronx is my hometown). These cats came into this GalaxyRocker's orbit about a year ago. Showing up at local open mic nights was a great way to meet musicians, and we clicked. If you want to see some video of these hard rockin' BK boys tune into my live stream tonight at 10p, we will be broadcasting both acts.
I have been fortunate enough to be able to sustain myself through my art for most of the year. In that activity I met a fantastic artist who would eventually lead me to the cat who is playing with me tonight Oisin Daly. Freak of the international sound-waves and mad scientist behind Obamabo, some dope ass electronica/glitch shit. The sound we have concocted has been described as " Acoustic Funk" which is cool with us.
If there is anything I want you mofo's to get from me besides some bangin ass music at on of the coolest venues in #savannah. It is that 19 months ago I was slingin my guitar on #riverstreet for beer $. I made a decision to seek help from a 12 step program. Now life ain't all sugar these days, but it surely ain't the shit it was when I was boozing. If I can do this you can too.
Savannah has some great things to offer besides the regular attractions downtown. This weekend there is a monthly music,art, & craft event very much worth being at. Ok dogs kittens and all manner of sub-human bondage lovers. We will see you tonight.
10.12.2013
March Against Monsanto
I'm 16 months sober and about to play at a political event protesting the relationship between Monsanto and American politicians. Personally my biggest problem with the situation is that American citizens don't have the option of buying food that doesn't have Monsanto's GMO products in them. 
I generally don't give a damn about political shit, but I do feel that people deserve a choice in weather or not they consume organic food. I guess this is part of my recovery as well as anything else. I have genuine convictions concerning the well being of my countrymen. Thus I believe that my efforts, in part, towards this movement are for the benefit of someone other than myself. Yet another gift of sobriety.
5.02.2013
BODYPAINT
These lyrics are me addressing my addiction. The music seemed appropriate.
In the land of nightmares and bliss filled dreams
Intimate as shadow, thick as blood, you dwell
Waiting to catch me should I fall
Seeking to stumble my shadow, and my vision
I have known you as close as kin
Your kiss is sweet, sweet death.
The cessation of my will.
In fits of orgiastic abandon I taste guilt from your touch
My thirst for just a drop more of the insanity of your love
I rend and tear the landscape you provide
In a mad dash for freedom
Terror and trembling at your absence, my confidence gone
I call to you...you run to me.
Your fire burns me from the inside out.
My companion's lost stare, a reflection of my own emptiness
We run together to find solitude away from solace.
http://xuluprophet.bandcamp.com/track/bodypaint-demo
In the land of nightmares and bliss filled dreams
Intimate as shadow, thick as blood, you dwell
Waiting to catch me should I fall
Seeking to stumble my shadow, and my vision
I have known you as close as kin
Your kiss is sweet, sweet death.
The cessation of my will.
In fits of orgiastic abandon I taste guilt from your touch
My thirst for just a drop more of the insanity of your love
I rend and tear the landscape you provide
In a mad dash for freedom
Terror and trembling at your absence, my confidence gone
I call to you...you run to me.
Your fire burns me from the inside out.
My companion's lost stare, a reflection of my own emptiness
We run together to find solitude away from solace.
http://xuluprophet.bandcamp.com/track/bodypaint-demo
12.30.2012
12.22.2012
MACROCOSM PROMOTIONS
MACRO-https://www.facebook.com/MacrocosmPromotion?ref=hl
Just a warm welcome inside our world , I want to thank everyone who showed out and showed up and shared some love to all of us here. We as artists are striving to support one another in our mission to entertain you with our talents and gifts. We invite you to join us while its free to join and soon once we grow in size we all can reap the benefits of charged promotional memberships. So join us now as it is the season of giving and for the moment it is all given from our hearts of love and dedication to promote you and your talent! Bring some friends! I will open the cryptic doors for you to see our dream as it unveils . We do have a secret group of ideas, missions and team members.. I am also working on an official website for all members :) Thank you everyone for your love and support!
12.16.2012
STAY IN TOUCH
I Am working on a new EP that was conceptualized during a moment of incredible change in my life's journey. 6/1/2012 I found myself hopeless, homeless, and fighting a serious alcohol addiction. June 10, 2012 was my first day of sobriety. Since that day I have been living life on life's terms, and have never had more hope for a tolerable future. I now feel that I have the chance to possibly help another addict find the door to relief, though I can't make a single soul walk through it. When this group of songs is finished I plan to take the profits and spend them on practical needs of the homeless addicts I pass everyday on my way through the day. I will be purchasing ponchos, and socks, and other things that I found myself needing when I was in that situation. So here are most of the links that I have right now to stay involved with my musical endeavors, please enjoy what you will and join the mailing list. People on the mailing list will get unreleased versions of the new music as well as some other cool stuff I'm putting together. If you support this effort or not, I hope you will take a listen and find something you can rock with and groove to. Peace and Grease-XULU
- ReverbNation-http://tinyurl.com/8uya6ld
- iTunes-http://tinyurl.com/XULUS-ALBUM
- Spotify-http://open.spotify.com/album/5ySHEkiwFzCOa9C90fSs5g
- Store-http://tinyurl.com/XULUSTORE
- Blog-http://tinyurl.com/GALAXYROCKER
- FACEBOOK-http://tinyurl.com/apnrrl8
- GOOGLE+ -https://plus.google.com/110563859300950421216/posts/WFChUa5onJq
12.13.2012
THE GALAXYROCKER RETURNS
HERE WE GO AGAIN
It's been almost 2 years since I did any serious recording, and it's time. I am working on a 5 song EP I wrote while homeless and in early recovery.I have my webpage up and will be adding to it as the process continues. I have some interest being generated thanks to the FACEBOOK energy the fans have generated. I am offering to the fans on my mailing list unedited versions of the songs and free copies of the MP3 when it completed. So join the pages, list, and help me promote if you are willing and want free stuff. Here is a download from the first album for you, for free. I will be using sales of the CD to help some of the homeless addicts in my area.
10.25.2012
Birthday
Well I am sitting here on my 41 st. b day sober. This is a change of pace from the last three years. I Heard from the ex wife and the ex girlfriend today. What a fuckin' way to wake up. Just text no phone calls. I wonder if getting in contact with either one of them will effect my sobriety. I don't think so. One of them is still an active alcoholic and lives in town. I want to respond to her but I don't think she is ready to accept friendship. She has shown an unwillingness to forgive in the past and I can't think a b day text indicates any forgiveness. I have had to deal with a few changes on the music front, several folks have dropped out. I also have someone who is just coming into some self actualization trying to dictate the direction of thee sound but doesn't have any real music experience. I want them to come into their own sense of self, but not at the expense of productivity of progress. I hate when I have to work with an underdeveloped ego. Paying attention to how things are said rather than the actual message is not an Ideal working environment. Oh well I guess the point of all this is that I'm still sober and dealing with the fuckery and bullshit w/o returning to the past ways of coping.. If any of you want to check out the music or follow us here are the links
9.23.2012
I wont love you because I don't want to hurt you.
Your poison is so potent and patient...your innocence so tempting.
If you fall into our feeling
you'll find that you have nothing tangible to kiss
Except for a thought that feels so good it must be a crime.
I want you to think of me and become the worst criminal you can be.
Your poison is so potent and patient...your innocence so tempting.
If you fall into our feeling
you'll find that you have nothing tangible to kiss
Except for a thought that feels so good it must be a crime.
I want you to think of me and become the worst criminal you can be.
9.12.2012
9.06.2012
KILLING OPTIMIST WITH REALITY
YOUR WISHFUL THINKING WILL BEAR NO FRUIT
Light without beauty
the blood of my life, my ultimate refusal
to believe...
that you and I are the same
For you fight the infinite sadness
While I choose to embrace its whispers
In the spaces in between awake and asleep
So that truth may be revealed
Silly ghost!...There is no difference
Only degrees of separation in a circle
Systematic pressure, pushing on me
darkening the sky, for nothing is free
I can see you reaching out
for help from me
I can't trust my sight
Its let me down
Baby I cant save you
Your soul has no sound.
International Recovery Community.
Peace and blessings to the folks in other lands
Hey pop tarts, I looked at the demographics of where this blog is being read, and I am pleased that it is being read in other places. I think we all have a common bond of addiction. Of course I realize that most of these hits are looking for something I tagged the post with. I did that with the remembrance of the things I used to search while I was using. So look in your community for resources that can help you.
I think addicts are the strongest folks in the world.
We all go thru some pain in life, most folks adapt and adjust within a reasonable amount of time. Some of us internalize the hurt and find we cant let go. Then we wind up self-medicating, not the best reaction, but all humans are hard wired to avoid pain. The thing I learned in treatment is that addiction requires time+abuse+a genetic disposition. That's why some folks can use and not become addicts. The things we subject ourselves to in active addiction would break most folks. Send them to the mental institutions. I don't think that the square people could handle the homelessness, hunger, prostitution, anger, fights, feelings of worthlessness, etc. etc. that our addictions bring us. The trauma we experience that pushes us to get fucked up in itself is a testimony to our resilience. So where do you go when your soul gets rocked? When you have had enough you will get help. I personally don't think anyone can get clean for any length of time on there own. That has been my experience.
I wish you heaven
Hey all, I will be fast asleep when this post. If you need help find the toll free number for AA or NA in your country. There is a way out of this. Stay safe and be cool.
9.05.2012
Art, Fashion and Music Through My Eyes: Xuluprophet
Art, Fashion and Music Through My Eyes: Xuluprophet: This past week I have had the pleasure in doing a photo shoot with Roger Rogers. He is the man behind Xuluprophet music. He is a great man w...
Art, Fashion and Music Through My Eyes: Xuluprophet
Art, Fashion and Music Through My Eyes: Xuluprophet: This past week I have had the pleasure in doing a photo shoot with Roger Rogers. He is the man behind Xuluprophet music. He is a great man w...
Labor Day at the beach... Much better than last year
Where to start? Well hope you are doing well. There I'm being a well trained person. I extended the expected niceties. Do you feel validated? I really want for you to respond to me and query how I am. I have no connection to your well being. This interaction helps me to stay sober by not feeling isolated. I don't wish you harm, but I don't REALLY care how you are. Now that may seem harsh but I think I owe you that much honesty if we're talking about sobriety. I'm at 85 days. I think its good to count the time behind me but not the time in front of me. I can't predict the future.
I had a real struggle the past few days. I went to the beach with some people, a place that I used to drink with my ex, and I fought my recurring thought to wallow in what was and my responsibility in making things that way. All of these thoughts were causing me pain and making me want to drink, what I normally do to ease my pain. Realizing this I was able to slowly turn my thoughts to the two beautiful women I was hanging out with, my recovery homeboy, and start to re associate this place I love with new memories. Then my sick thinking said," feel guilty for feeling good". Well I think I am more than the sum of my past actions, and though I have done some shitty stuff in the past, I am still worth loving. If to no one else than to myself. So I strive everyday not to remember the mistakes that I made while living a diseased life of addiction, and not define myself by them. I let my resentments burn into my thoughts and let them overtake new experiences, depriving my sense of wonder at new things by dwelling in the pain of old ideas. If I do this I will drink again to relive the pain. This is not the destination.
Nor the goal of this path I've set myself on. Now after I got home the old habit of laying in bed and rehashing the past, wondering "what if", and missing what I used to have started to creep back up. The surprising thing is that as I sat and wanted to be angry at life, I found that I genuinely wasn't. I wanted to hate the girl, myself, God, the treatment center all that stuff. But I didn't feel it. This time I had the sense to not try to push the negative energy forward. I lay in my bed in amazement that I didn't feel the shitty way that I had become accustomed too. I still hate the stupidity of naive folks and wishful thinkers, but that is just my application of logic and fact. I didn't feel anything but pity towards the ex because she is still in active addiction. It will take some time for me to forgive me fully, but I have a understanding that MY god knew that I wouldn't have gotten it right any other way. The dumb ass prick at the center who antagonizes me doesn't deserve the power I have given him, and if his sobriety is so fuckin' miserable I don't want it the way he has it (I do want happy sobriety). I also talked to my sponsor who after letting me go at it alone, intuitively knew I was dangerously stuck and threw me a life line. So after a bout of pain and remorse I find today the exact opposite of the last few weeks. By letting go I have gained the very thing I was wanting. So i guess the point of all of this is: If you are about to relapse hold on and just keep going to meetings, and let go of the anger. The anger almost cost me more than I was willing to pay. The emotional shit will pass, and you will feel back on top. I got slack in my attention to my recovery and let external bullshit threaten it, it was a close call. I DO still wish I could undo the havoc I wreaked in my life, but I can't. What I can do is not let it continue to do it by making me seek refuge in the bottle. Well that's how I feel right now, as things are supposed to be. If you want your life back go to a 12 step meeting and determine if you have felt enough pain. If you are like me you will say enough is enough. Then just do what they say to do, to get what they have.
Come check out some music from me here
and here....
Come check out some music from me here
and here....
9.04.2012
Deleting Memories
This is the shit I believed in, that's why I'm pissed.
Xuluprophet RogersHey baby
You don't know what you have done for me, I've tried sending you messages and calls
but i think i have to go by cricket and fix some shit. you gave me enough breathing
space during this stressful time and allowed me to gather my strength back. I'm on
break from work and will get at you in a bit. I can't thank you enough or express my
desire to be there for you should you ever need me.nothing can stop me now thank
you Ambrosia
April 13, 2010AMBROSIA
Roger, please know how happy I am to be able to help you in any way that I can. I
really do care so much about you and want the very best for you. I have faith in you ~
you're capable of ANYTHING! I look forward to seeing you again as soon as possible.
Love,
A.
April 13, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
im at the crib with a halfway decent connect. hit me if you're up
April 13, 2010AMBROSIA
Hey, babe. I tried your phone and got a recording from Cricket.
April 29, 2010AMBROSIA
Hey
"I wish I was in Maine, do you know the place? VACATION LAND. 123 HIGH ST.
The devil ain't ON speed dial no mas nunca mas.? quiero amor verdad? luego matame
porfavor!"
So I see this post of yours and I think, if he misses Maine so much, and he told me I
feel like Maine to him, why haven't I heard from him in days?
I'm leaving for Tennessee this morning and will be back Sunday. I hope you're well and
hope to hear from you soon.
Ambrosia
May 12, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
i miss you
and i love you and i am not afraid. if you want to try i will. i know I've been a prick,
but i am scared of this feeling. and what will become of me if you go away. and if you
don't wanna deal with me i understand, but its not what i want.
May 23, 2010AMBROSIA
Hey babe,
I decided to write you a message because I have trouble finding and putting together
the right words when I'm sitting face to face with you ~ I'm easily distracted. I really
want to see you but I've gotta get some shit out first. I've been soul searching and
trying to figure some stuff out in my head this weekend. And I've been stressing about
you. I've been thinking about expectations, which you've asked me about, and just
how I really feel and what I really want. When you tell me you're in love with me, I
don't take that lightly, and I really hadn't been able to determine how I felt about that
at first. I mean, I've had very conflicted feelings, right from the get-go with you. My
experience with you has been an intense whirlwind, and as I hang on for dear life I
fear the end. I miss you- actually, I crave you when you're not around... and then when
I get to see you I feel like you rarely get the best of me. I'm either drunk and/or
stoned or I'm tired as hell because it's usually so late for me. And yet, you make me
feel so good ~ in every way... the things you say to me, the way you touch me and
react to my affection... you make me feel wanted and desired and needed... and I want
it all so much it scares me. I find myself asking, "How will this ever work out?" At
times it seems doomed to me ~ like this just can't last. It breaks my heart to tell you
that, but it also breaks my heart to feel something so negative about us.
I guess I said all that to say this: I've fallen in love with you, too, Roger. I thought I
had been in love before, but I've never known anything quite like this in my life. And
yet, we both know it takes more than love. And we both have a lot of shit on our
plates, responsibilities, etc., that we each need to deal with. Our schedules, our
geographic distance, and your lack of transportation are going to keep us apart more
than I'm used to. I realize you're used to being on your own, but I'm not. Don't get me
wrong ~ I'm happy to be living by myself and finally independent, but I'm just
accustomed to spending a lot of time with my "significant other." I just wanted you to
know that's where I'm coming from, but I am willing to adjust. I really need to get my
car worked on before I drive to GSO too many more times, but after a lot of crazy,
circular, rambling thought, I decided I really do want in on this, if you're still
interested despite knowing my fears and reservations.
I miss you and look forward to seeing you soon.
June 4, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
hey babe how r u? I miss you. I think i might check my self into detox today. I've been
boozing to long and I've got to do something. stay with me
June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
hey r u there
June 7, 2010AMBROSIA
I am now!
June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
will you be able to fix up your web cam and talk
June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
hey I'm at Matt's
June 7, 2010AMBROSIA
May I pick u up at your apartment at 5:30pm tomorrow (Tues)?
June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
please
June 7, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
can you talk online now
or do you still have to finish giving the new bf the once over
June 10, 2010Xuluprophet Rogers
i love you just so you know
x
8.31.2012
From another point of view.
This is a post from a friend of mine from yesterday, I want to get some feedback. Its a pretty sentiment.
DIVINE CONFIRMATION..... IT'S TIME TO OPEN UP!!!!!!!
REAL PEOPLE, EXPECT REAL CHANGE(s)!
The people that don't accept where you are now are the same people that never accepted who you were from the beginning! KNOW THE TRUTH!!!!!! THEY AC...CEPTED WHAT THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE EITHER TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK GOOD, FOR THE FACT YOU WERE USEFUL OR FOR THE FACT THEY WANTED TO MOLD YOU INTO SOM
ETHING THEY WANTED TO SEE! Innerstand, This is where your real fr(enemies)/fa(nemies) become revealed when tested with you through whatever transitions you decided take for oneself.... I say this simply because REAL PEOPLE regardless of their title, love & appreciate you regardless! They EXPECT CHANGE & welcome it for you if they understand it or not... & when completely concerned they try to come together with you (communicate) to innerstand YOUR JOURNEY minus their own personal judgements & bias forms of thinking to truly show their love & respect for whatever relationship stats they hold with you when HONESTLY VALUED! Also if needed they might possibly add advice to HELP YOU rarely is it to detour you from whatever you apparently need to learn for oneself for they could overstand you could possibly come back & help them or not with what you learned.... One last thing to overstand is the POWER IN TITLES many people want it to have certain positions of power within or over your life.... K(NOW) THIS TRICK AS WELL IT'S A TRICK SO WELL PRODUCED/TAUGHT THAT WE DO IT TO ONE ANOTHER, GROW FROM THIS.... SEE IT FOR WHAT IT TRULY IS & LET IT BE NOT AN HINDERANCE FOR YOU TO BE YOU! EVEN IF THEY WERE BIRTHRIGHT TITLES GIVEN THAT YOU'VE HEARD OUT THE WOMB.... OVERSTAND THAT TITLES ARE JUST THAT & THE BEING OF THE PERSON IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED WITH SEEING WHO THAT SPIRIT REALLY IS!
So, I say to many.. BE NOT DISCOURAGED FROM YOU TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE & NOT NEEDING SOMEONE ELSES SUPPORT TO DO IT! THAT'S THE BEGINNING MATURITY.... BE HAPPY THAT YOU CAN NOW SEE WHAT YOU ONCE DIDN'T, THAT MEANS GROWTH... YOUR DOING SOMETHING RIGHT! LABEL NOT YOUR ENEMIES ANYMORE FOR THAT GIVES THEM STILL POWER THROUGH THEIR TITLES THAT THEY NO LONGER DESERVE!
SHARE..... TELL SOMEONE! NOW DO YOU VALUE MY OPINION???!!! SOUND HONEST ENOUGH?
I ONCE KNEW THAT PERSON BUT I DON'T NOW BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ME.... THEY CHOOSE NOT TO! SO, OH WELL... I HAVE OTHERS I'M PREPARING TO MEET SOON! LIFE IS ABOUT GROWTH, MEETING NEW PEOPLE & LOVING ALL THINGS... NEVER HINDER YOUR OWN SELVES, ONLY YOU CAN GIVE SOMEONE ELSE THE POWER TO DO SO! ;) (anonymous)
8.30.2012
GALAXY ROCKER: Logic
GALAXY ROCKER: Logic: You can change your mind, but you can't change your destiny. I just heard that on the radio, and I don't know if I agree with that. If...
Logic
You can change your mind, but you can't change your destiny. I just heard that on the radio, and I don't know if I agree with that. If that's true then why are those of us who get sick and tired of being sick and tired able to, with help, get away from our addictions. The flux in my recovery right now is switching my old way of thinking for a new and positive point of view. I try to eliminate emotion from my outlook and see things only from a point of logic. This could be dangerous, I might be just trying to substitute logic for alcohol and avoid emotion. I hate the way I felt last night as I lay in my room, but something in me told me that I had to go through it. In order to get to the other side of healing.
So I go through two bitch moves today, One from a musician I'm supposed to be working with, another from a female I thought was in my corner. Neither of them had the balls to tell me that they had other projects going on that would demand their attention. Now that kind of omission of information is paramount to lying, and it pisses me off. Logic says that I should just try to understand where they are coming from, and realize that they may not be mature enough to be direct. I'm still pissed...WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY- You punk ass chumps
Pissed off
Little shit trying to eat at me
Sobriety is shaky today. I had the devil chasing me in my dreams all night and she was vicious!! I wish I could get through this part of my recovery much quicker. I don't like being alone all the time, living with seven other motherfuckers. I had a conversation with a friend who, brought up old memories unintentionally. I don't blame the friend, it wasn't a malicious conversation. Or a deliberate jab at my psyche. I just need to remember in this process of recovery that I will have to deal with emotions that I haven't had to experience in their entirety. I had a singer do some old ill backstabbing shit, like try to teach another guitar player my music.These things are angering me but my resentments will cause me to relapse, so I must let them go. I hope you are able to do the same thing. I'm off to work, where I will be able to step outside of my own head for a bit.
I'd like to say hello to the readers that I have in other countries. Addiction knows no boundaries so we are all in this together. May you find peace in sobriety. Feel free to use this as a place where you can communicate with another addict if you have no other place you feel comfortable.
8.24.2012
GALAXY ROCKER: deconstruction and the death of children
GALAXY ROCKER: deconstruction and the death of children: Construction begins with destruction nothing can be built without something being torn apart. even with thoughts and dreams, everyt...
want not will not
I'm huddled in your want not + will not of forever
Those burning ties that bind have me tethered
Set me free let me be the mind begs to flee
The heart yearns to stay but what has passed on yesterday
Where were you, you touch but in whose arms
did you lay/ My memory lapses, my hard drive crashes against your waves of deception
my transgression unwilling to release my heart's obsession.
Huddled in the want not will not of forever
Only the more clever that chose safer endeavors
I wrapped my arms in the heart and arms
at Arie's pleasure smile broad impassioned
and odd now cold and wet i shiver with nightmarish glee
this being the sea I wait and wade through
endless judgement maybe sleep will come all of the sudden
Spare me the eyes that gaze in not knowing things
I've seen without ever showing my label not fear
but anxiety glowing and shining through the corner I've encamped
mysterious bliss is filling my ear command is given that
signals all clear.
deconstruction and the death of children
Construction begins with destruction
nothing can be built
without something being torn apart.
even with thoughts and dreams, everything that discourages and causes self-doubt MUST be eliminated,
before the building begins.
Victory is never built up until the walls of fear crumble.
It is most important to remain constant in construction, or become the victim of destruction.
It is as complicated as building a new empire after destroying a faulty one.
Yet as simple as watching life destroy the innocence of a child- to create an adult.
8.23.2012
14 days sleeping on the river
14 days baby/ I saw no light
Change my mind/ well bitch I might
you really look in pain baby/so cry or shit your eyes
really don't matter to try/cause I can see ain't nothin changed
Change my mind/ well bitch I might
you really look in pain baby/so cry or shit your eyes
really don't matter to try/cause I can see ain't nothin changed
TRIPPIN
I
Trippin off and away with love
Just around the corner is a bomb waiting to go off
She asked me what I was trying to say
I said love, she said go away
She betrayed me on good Friday
II
I was trying to say love could keep us warm
She said she felt like she was fine
and liked moving on
But love don't care who it chooses
The girl made sure she wouldn't be losing
Now she can just get out
III
Little Mr.s Rain said she wouldn't settle
I think she smiled a little when she watched as I fell
Had the nerve to wanna keep the friend
As much as this hurts me baby this is the end
Cause breaking trust is just
like a sin.
1st Time attempt at sobriety
11:39 PM 8/22/2012
I was in a treatment center detoxing for 3 days back in 2007. I had just started going with this young bueatiful hot thing we'll call Trixxie ( damn she was fine). I had borrowed a guitar from a good friend named Nisha and was still missing the Colombian mountian girl a bit. I felt like if I didn't stop drinking I would never know peace or happiness. I still feel that way, but today I didn't drink so I'm ok for now. I had a good woman pop into my life who introduced me to recovery, and as reluctant and scared as I was, I gave what I thought at the time was a honest effort. The second night in the treatment center the moon was out, I was in Burlington N.C., and near a railroad track. They let us go outside for cigarettes. I'm copying this off of the original paper that I scribbled it on.April 27 2007-Alamance Co. 10:00pm
dm am dm G (slide) am
verse
Trains going by carrying lives
Pondering years gone by, underneath this half-moon sky
Librium and juice to rinse my soul
25 years of destruction and no control
whats to be when I leave this place
no more suicide or disgrace
just want what everyone wants
a little place under the sun
Freedom is comming in two or more ways
long, long road and the piper wants his pay
continue this line I'm walking
thats all there is, a early grave
so I'm waiting for tomorrow with all it promise
gonna have to say goodbye to some ffriends
but its god I've got to see on my last day
Amends...its the price I pay
wasted time you can never get back, regrets and where its at.
so move along you didn't, to get here today
gettin' home may take some time
12 lonely steps to heaven
1200 ways 2 get back to hell.
12:03 AM 8/23/2012
Step 1
i don't want to be a burden so bombs away.bomb yourself.
scrub the creamatory of the left over skin. That what the hell you left behind, dust, ya know skin. look under your nails. MAKE A BARGAIN WITH THE DEVIL AND BE OK FOR TODAY.
11:22 AM 8/20/2012
This first and most important stage of recovery comes as a really jagged pill to swallow. I mean who wants to admit that they got their ass kicked by booze? Especially for 28 years! That is what I came to. I have been through all kinds of pain, head problems, loss...but it was a simple bottle that brought me to my knees. I should probably go back a few months or years to get to this part but I think that it is ultimately important that the reader understands what I'm getting at.
"ready to admit that my life had become unmanageable" whew! thats a mouthfull at first, but getting into the meat of that statement is some shit. I could not hold a job, relationship, home or any of the stuff that non-addicts are able to do with ease. all because of a spiritual sickness. I say spiritual sickness not in a religious sense, but in the sense of who a person is.
8.21.2012
WAR IN THE HOUSE
Days trailing away as I sit in the
fog and blackest haze
Wearily approaching my beginning
The ending I just came from
hits my dawn nightly beauty undone
with steps imploding fury that
mounted pursed lips ungluing
lashing and whipping two tongues pursuing
Disagreements so filled with
hate our golden pot smacks of love
too late
As our eyes meet laden with sadness
8.20.2012
No sun permeates these new winter skies
or is it that eyes have forgoten how to see
there is a vulgar struggle between
what is good and bad.
Positive love to you my friends for the wintertime is the end.
A vision in a series of visions
illustrating how frail perceptions comfort is
only a few miles east and you can see that there are none in any place to comfort me
The trees are dying,the trees are dying!
my bad, only for this season.
Smoking herb on the edge of the world, casting off a cliff to our creator's wind
a prayer of love and enlightenment, from above and within
music from fingers and lips, liquid lsd and long road trips
dead trees walking in the forest seeking silently to find rest
there is a vulgar struggle between whats good and bad.
Positive love to you sweet ones, for the wintertime has just begun.
ROGER R.
12:45pm at the house of threads 1/14/94
Solitude, discovery, the difference between good and evil
Balance
Oh man the insanity is coming!!!
Creative spark
Paint, music, literary art
No focus 'cept my fiery heart
Dinner was cool, coffee was even better
Respect is cool too, no polyester sweaters
Paint me a picture! No here on my hand.
Don't need no paper imagination is my friend.
11:57 PM 8/19/2012
99 seconds
The world has never seen a love like this
Vibrations in my brain peaking every 99 seconds
contest of life and death time and time again
Art dripping in at the eyelids,all liquid.
...and tonight feels like the first time I ever saw you leave with me inside you.
Tears of joy raining on skin tight skin
I'm no longer on the outside looking in.
Your gift Thank you
The world is made of stone
Voice...weary...NO! warm
8.19.2012
8.18.2012
New Stuff
NEW ADVENTURE
So I'm starting a new music project with a mix of hip-hop, folk and R&B singing. I'm at a point in my sobriety that I need something not associated with my former lover. Several lovers ago I was able to record a this album, its still availablehttp://itunes.apple.com/us/album/mercenary-heart$-blood-fire/id522601214
4.01.2012
MOONBEAMS (playlist)
('http://www.youtube.com/p/4E08B28842F175DE?version=3&hl=en_US',)
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4E08B28842F175DE
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4E08B28842F175DE
3.04.2012
12.29.2011
12.26.2011
12.01.2011
Razors and Love
when I dream what do I dream about?/when I scream can u hear me shout?/i want to be as I wish to seem/right now I crave you and me/slather me down with your...mind, my love/i don't mind what you been thinkin' of/creep into my soul late at night/and yes! I'll be your dinner tonight/why did you choose THIS/looking for some little bliss you think you missed?/make me another adventure sound/...awww baby, I'm going down!
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